Last Monday, halfway across the country in Virginia, my dad went into surgery. Without going into the gory details, it wasn’t exactly a “routine” surgery–it was cancer related–but my dad is very healthy, and the doctors expected him to return to normal within a few days.
The surgery went really well, and the first full day of recovery indicated some concerns but no cause for alarm. Then, on Wednesday morning, just minutes before I was set to host my weekly Facebook Live chat, I learned that my dad really was not doing well. The situation had escalated far beyond what should happen after this type of surgery, and in a matter of days my dad had gone from very healthy to incredibly frail.
I could have cancelled the livecast, but I decided to proceed with it. Perhaps it was a distraction, or perhaps I just needed a big bundle of human connection at that moment. Plus, I genuinely appreciate the people who join me for the livecast (and those who tune in later on YouTube).
I almost didn’t say anything about my dad during the livecast, but when someone you love is suffering…I don’t know, I just felt the need to say something, anything that might help my dad. So in the closing seconds, I mentioned my dad and asked people to think of him. I’ve timestamped it in the video below (it’s a link to The Mill’s breakdown of the livecast, not the original video, but I like what Dusty said after the clip).
I probably wouldn’t have mentioned any of this on today’s blog post were it not for what happened over the next few days: There was an immense outpouring of support from people who watched the video. I received so many comments and emails from people sending their thoughts and prayers, and a number of them included stories about their parents as well. The amount of love and vulnerability was incredible to experience, especially considering that the video is over an hour long, with the moment happening at the very end.
So part of the reason I’m writing this post is to thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I am truly grateful for the support last week. That meant the world to me. It was a great reminder that I’m incredibly fortunate to be a part of the gaming community.
Another reason is to let you know that on Thursday, my dad turned a corner and is doing significantly better. It was like night and day: on Wednesday he could barely move or communicate; on Thursday he was talking, laughing, and doing yoga next to his hospital bed. I’ve spoken to him on the phone a few times since then, and he says that while the first few days of last week are completely lost to him, he feels great now and is just waiting for some of his internal organs to wake up again after the surgery shocked them into complacency.
The last reason I’m sharing this story is because I think it’s a good reminder to myself and my fellow creators that it’s okay to show your human fragility to your community. Yes, there are plenty of people who are just interested in the products you make, and that’s fine. But there are also people who are invested in YOU, and it’s okay to let them into your life on occasion and connect with them as human beings. It’s moments like these that make those connections real.
Also, one thing I learned from this experience is if I am going to share something like this in the future, it was definitely the right choice to wait until the end of the livecast. As you can see, I completely lost control of my emotions when talking about my dad, and it may have been quite difficult to proceed with the next hour if I had led with that news.
In case you’re curious, my parents actually joined me for a livecast last year when they were in town for Thanksgiving. Below is that video.
31 Comments on “What I Learned from Breaking Down on Facebook Live”
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My younger brother (who is also high-functioning autistic) is currently battling cancer. It’s in an advanced stage, but we’re “in it”. All this to say I can relate, and empathize with the humanity of such a difficult time. Though, I am glad to hear you dad is doing much better. Keep the faith, Jamey. You truly are a one of a kind in this little hobby of ours.
I’m so sorry to hear that, Kevin. I’m glad you can be there for your brother in this difficult time.
Oh Jamey, what an ordeal you’ve all been through! I’m pleased to hear that your father is doing much better now.
Sending positive thoughts to you Jamey and hoping that your Dad is continuing to recover. I appreciate your willingness to be open about the situation with your dad and share the situation with the community because that’s what this is – a community. Healthy community members care about the health (mental/physical) of the other members and are there for one another.
Presently I am caring for my Mom as she had COVID in January and though she recovered from the initial assault on her system, like many folks who got the virus she is now experiencing complications with lung/heart. She’s doing OK but we shall see.
The way I see it the key is to be there for those we love and insure they have an advocate watching their back while they are unable to. Heck, we should look out for one another in general and especially be there for those in our family and community.
Hang in there everyone!
I’m sorry to hear that your mother is struggling with her COVID recovery, and I agree with what you’re saying about being there for those we love to support them as best we can.
My wife and I lost her father right in the middle of the COVID pandemic l. We were unable to see or visit him. We had to say goodbye via Zoom. It was the single worst thing we had ever gone though. I told my students in class what I was going through and I broke down crying. I have never regretted it. I needed to talk about it and they needed to see it was possible to deal with. Overwhelming grief.
That’s devastating, Christopher. I’m so sorry for your loss.
So glad your dad is doing better! My dad is a cancer survivor himself (35 years now – paralysed, told 6 months to live, ignored the doctors prognosis, taught himself to walk again, walk my sister into the church on her wedding day and still strong) – and weeks after his 80th birthday he fell (still on crutches) and broke his femur. He was to be alone over Christmas and New Year but finally recovered (albeit that he won’t be able to walk again). All this whilst I could not go visit due to Covid – being in Australia and the international travel bans. So believe me when I say I know how stressful it must have been for you.
Praying for a good and quick recovery for your dad and full remission from Cancer!
Thank you, Johan. I’m sorry your father has had such a rough run, and I hope you get to see him soon.
Hi Jamey,
I hope the best for your dad and a full recovery. I know from personal experience how rough it is to see your family suffer from health issues. That’s why I took the time to write my first comment on your blog and because there is something that is criminally overlooked by doctors. I can’t recommend enough reading about something called a whole-food plant-based diet that can help tremendously against cancer growth and many other diseases. My dad adopted it and he is feeling and looking great again free of medication. It changed his life and now he is much more positive about the future and I can play board games with him for many more years to come. I hope this comment will help you and your dad.
Best wishes, Nikolas.
Thanks! Yes, that’s the type of diet my dad has had for years. He mostly eats nuts, seeds, veggies, and fruit.
Your dad was on my thoughts these days so I’m very happy to know he’s much better! I hope he’ll be out from the hospital really soon!
I’m also very happy that reading our comments help you during a hard moment. It’s great that we can give back a little of what you give to the community!
Oh wow, I’m so glad to hear your dad is doing better! I will be praying for his continued recovery.
I commend you for still going through with your live chat and for your transparency in this situation. My husband and I only recently started live streaming on Twitch, and literally 10 minutes before we were about to go live last Tuesday (for our second time ever), my husband had to run away to take his dad to the ER since he wasn’t doing well (making us have to cancel our stream) and he has been in the hospital ever since then. Things seem to be improving, but he is still in the hospital for now. So, I can totally understand what you are going through with this, since we are right there with you.
Thank you for sharing this, Lydia. That’s scaring, and I’m really sorry that your husband’s dad is still in the hospital. I will keep you, him, and your husband in my thoughts.
I’m glad to hear your dad is getting better. Wishing him a speedy recovery! Don’t forget it’s OK to take time off and take care of yourself.
Jamey, my thoughts and prayers remain with you, your father, and your entire family. I wish him a speedy recovery and I do hope that you enjoy those conversations with him when you next have a chance to talk.
Thank you so much for sharing this, and my thoughts and prayers will be with your dad as he is recovering.
Soooooo glad that you have had positive news since then. I’ve also learned as a teacher how important it is to show you’re human and have emotions.
Hope things continue to improve and good luck!! Hopefully more relief will take over the fear in the coming days. I’ve been lucky to have my dad end up on the positive end of difficult surgeries and wish you and your family the best.
So sorry to hear about your dad. Prayers and thoughts for you and the family.
Hope for good quick restoration of life for him.
Burky
Glad to hear that your dad is doing better!
Thanks for the update on your dad. I’m so glad to hear he’s doing much better. Wishing him a continued speedy recovery.
The world we live in now allows us to connect not only with our close family and friends, but with those over the internet. Those that live potentially thousands of miles away and whom we’ve maybe never met before. As odd as it may seem Jamey, I hope you underatand how close a lot of us feel to you simply because of our online interactions.
A number of years ago i was struggling with a death that I considered to be close to me and it was someone from a weekly podcast that I had never met. But after years of never missing a single episode, I felt as if my own brother was taken from me.
I may not know you or your father personally, but I can assure you, I experience very real emotions when something is hurting you. I hope you understand how many people you have that think the world of you and your family, and I hope you know that you affect the lives of many, whether we’ve met or not.
I’m glad your father is doing much better and I wish you all the best.
I’m really happy that your dad is going much better now. And thank you very much for this update. I was wondering this weekend how he was doing and still hoping for the best.
I’m one of those that share their own personal experience of losing their dad last year, and it’s funny that you talked about the Thanksgivings video with your parents, because it was there that I shared my dad passing away story with you and thus, to fully enjoy every moment with your parents on these occasions, because life can end suddenly sometime. This was part of why it really shocked me to learn on April 7th (the day of my birthday) that your dad was at the hospital, because it made me remember this “advice” but also the lost of my own dad.
Anyhow, again, I’m really really glad that your dad is doing fine now.
Jamey, I am so glad to know your Dad is recovering. Everyone can use support in times like that, so it’s great that you felt comfortable sharing your feelings with the community, which has a real connection with you on a personal level.
I had to leave the livecast early last week for a meeting and totally missed this. So glad he’s doing better. I know your aren’t religious, but I hope you find peace in hearing I’m praying for you and your dad.
I missed the last 10 minutes of that livecast. I had no idea! Glad to know your Dad’s condition changed last Thursday. I wish him a full recovery.
I’m so happy your dad is getting back to his normal self! This year deserves to be better than the last. Thank you for connecting with us and giving the update. We were routing for good news!
I am very happy to know that your father is doing better. And I agree, sharing our human moments is a very important thing to our well being — we are social animals after all. I am reaching the age where I am starting to lose those close to me, and it is painful every time. Fortunately, I have a wonderful group of friends who are always there for me, and I for them.
Here is to a speedy and complete recovery for your father. As good a man as you are, sir, I can only imagine what an amazing man your father must be.
I wish your dad a speedy and full recovery, Jamey. You take care too. Jun
Wishing your dad strength and continued recovery.
I glad your father is doing better, sending all my love your way for a continued recovery. Thank you for sharing these important emotions about such a personal real life event. It is inspirational to everyone to have courage and strength in dealing with similar events. Both of my parents are getting higher in age with some health issues and it weighs on me as I know their time is shorter and shorter and they deal with their own emotions about that and the physical ramifications. It’s hard to see these people that were so strong and heroes to me(still are) getting older, frail, and vulnerable. We make the most of our time with our loved ones and I thank you as someone who produces something that aides in enjoying our lives and time with those around us.