Approximately once a week, I get a request like the following, typically on Instagram:
I have empathy for any creator looking for ways to share their passion project. But my name isn’t James, and as is the case with most requests, this is the first time I’ve ever heard from this person. This is the equivalent of a complete stranger walking up to you on the street and asking you to do something for them. It’s a quick and easy way to make someone feel used.
Now, I want to be clear that the reason I’m writing this is not to complain or bash anyone who has sent this type of request. I genuinely want to help, and I hope that making you aware of this will help you make a better impression at first contact.
Here are the most common types of poor first contact from complete strangers:
- generic requests for donations: This is a lost opportunity that requires so little effort to get right. Over the last few years, Stonemaier Games has sent hundreds of games to board game clubs and classrooms at elementary, middle, and high schools, especially in impoverished areas. Sometimes the coordinator fills out this form, which is ideal, but sometimes they contact me directly. Many of those emails make a great first impression–they address me by my name and they mention a few Stonemaier games. But some of them are incredibly generic (“dear sir/madam,” etc). I’ve opened my heart to even the most generic requests and now reply anyway, but I’m telling you that you will significantly increase your response rate if you add even just a small personal touch to these requests.
- requests to like/share/promote: If someone enjoys the content you create, they might share it. You can even increase the chances of them being aware of your content by selectively tagging them. But if you’re contacting a stranger to ask them to like, share, or promote your content, you’re using them. You’re treating them as a tool, not a person. And yes, it does hurt to ask. Instead of doing this, just create great content and occasionally tag people if you think they’ll enjoy it.
- requests to playtest or give feedback: I have to say that these are often some of the warmest requests. Most of them are very personal, starting with how a designer really connects with my games or game design YouTube channel, and they have a game they’d love to get my feedback on. It’s an honor to receive these messages, even if my full commitment is to Stonemaier Games–with 70 hours spent on my company every week, the only games I playtest are those created by designers we’ve signed. However, I’m still quite hesitant to say that first contact with a stranger is the ideal time to ask them to do something for you. I think a much more powerful way to make first contact is to offer to do something for them (or keep it neutral).
In full transparency, I will say that I have absolutely made most of these mistakes. When I was getting started in 2012, I cold emailed a bunch of creators with requests to playtest. When I wrote my crowdfunding book, I contacted Simon Sinek to ask for a foreword. In all of those instances I thought, “This is different.” But it isn’t, and I always try to remind myself of that when I contact someone for the first time and instead make it about them, not me.
Have you experienced any of these examples? What are your tips for first contact?
***
Also recent/related/upcoming:
- If you believe that reproductive rights are human rights, please see what we’re doing here.
- This week’s book club chat will be on the Stonemaier Games Facebook page at 1:00 pm Central on Thursday. The topic is “Chapter 5: Make It About Them”.
- The Power of a Personalized Message at First Contact
- It Can Hurt to Ask (Sometimes)
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17 Comments on “First Contact with a Stranger in Your Industry”
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As someone who recently reached out to you in a “cold call” style. I realize I should’ve done some more research first. I’m grateful that you took the time to write all this wonderful material on how to break into a new industry, make a good first impression, and volunteer your time. So thanks for responding to me even though I made some of the same mistakes you outlined here. Currently, I’m looking for ways to volunteer my time to a few different areas because I simply love board games. I’m going to continue looking through the several articles here and I am hopeful for my future!
Thanks Isaac! :)
[…] First Contact with a Stranger in Your Industry […]
Hello James,
can you please playtest my game?
I really loved Thingspan! It´s great!
Thanks!
Jamey, I first want to thank you for being, as far as I have observed through some minor correspondence and your own communications, a genuinely good person. I am guilty of cold contacting you on one occasion, though not for a business reason. It was a request to meet you in person during a planned trip to St Louis a few years back. You were responsive and polite, didn’t say no, but left it up to scheduling when the time arrived. My trip eventually got cancelled but I appreciated the response. Secondly, and I think you are probably aware of this, your open style of doing business, weekly live chats, blog posts, social media posts friendly email replies, cat updates, etc. has the effect of making you feel familiar with those on the receiving end of all that openness. So, naturally when someone thinks “who could I contact that might help me with _______?”, they don’t see you as a complete stranger. While we might be strangers to you, there are hundreds of eyes on you on a weekly basis and, aside from meeting you in person, you are, in some ways, familiar to us. I agree with Nick that there should be a mutually beneficial reason for reaching out for a business contact. And people should understand and remember that despite your media presence the majority of us really don’t know you. But, it’s at least a perception to be aware of. And lastly, I’m still waiting for you to invite me to play disc golf. 🙂
Chad: Your comment is a great reminder that people don’t necessarily see me as a stranger. I think what helps me realize that is if someone shares how they “know” me in their message, as I would say the majority of people for the first two bullet points don’t do that–the messages either come across as entirely generic or just someone who happened to see how many followers I have on Instagram and hasn’t actually followed any of my content up until that point. But there are also people like you, and I enjoy and appreciate those messages (and look forward to playing disc golf with you).
Great advice, thanks Jimmy. Now will you please playtest my game? The main mechanics involve you promoting me on your social media and also donating your games to me. I hope I’m doing this right 😛
Did you not read the post? His name is James and he will only write a foreword to your game if you compliment his cats.
I’ve made these mistakes as well :( Nowadays I actively try to provide something mutually beneficial to whoever I am talking to
It’s really powerful how you put yourself in the shoes of others by admitting your own mistakes, Jamey – which you do frequently on this blog! In fact, many posts here are about mistakes you’ve made yourself and you’re trying to help others avoid them. Much appreciated!
Another note about first contact – in this industry, some form of social marketing / awareness may be our first real contact with an industry leader. Is my post blatant self promotion or is it adding to the community in some way? As Jamey has pointed out repeatedly, the more we add to the community, the more others will just organically know what we are doing without having to make “the cold call”.
Thanks Taran! I’ve made every mistake in the book, and I’m happy to share them so others can avoid them. I completely agree with what you’re saying about organic participation and how that creates visibility for any creator–that can even make a first private contact not feel like first contact.
As a stranger, you really need to provide value in some way to “get in the door.” Though I think the message you shared is still not great, at least they were asking “what do I need to do to get your support.” which is in a better direction. That still is asking you to do a good bit of work to think through an actual answer to that question.
I read a book a long time ago — I tried searching for it and can’t find an attribution unfortunately, but the premise was basically, to get these kind of first contact connections, one way is to send an absurd gift that will catch attention. And by absurd they mean giving absurd value, not something silly.
So for instance, the example I remember they gave was, if you were trying to get in front of a book publisher when the iPad first came out (this dates when I read the book a bit), you could have purchased an iPad, loaded your book onto it, and sent it with a note saying, “Here’s an iPad for you, no strings attached, I loaded a book I wrote, I think you’ll particularly like chapter 3 if you have time to give it a read.” That’s such an over-the-top gift from someone you’re way more likely to break through the noise.
The guy writing the book mentioned the iPad example probably wouldn’t work as well today, since the iPad has lost it’s newness factor.
I do this myself – there was a guy I wanted a connection with who is a CEO of a billion dollar company – way out of my league. I knew he was a hobby gamer, and even designed and published a board game himself. I had a copy of Rising Sun which I had fully painted myself, (again, through research I knew he liked Japanese mythology) and I mailed it to him with a note mentioning my project. He ended up not helping, BUT he did respond with a nice note apologizing he would love to help, liked the project, but he just didn’t have time.
While that didn’t pan out exactly, (though if I ever reach back out I’m sure he’s way more likely to pick up the phone for the “painted miniature game guy” – all of a sudden I’m not a total stranger anymore) I’ve had better success getting on the phone with folks similarly “out of my league” and even if they couldn’t help, they’ve directed me to others who could.
Gifts aren’t necessarily the only way to go. At the end of the day you have to think – “what’s the value of the thing I’m asking for, and how can I give at least something in the ballpark of that value to them first to show I’m serious.”
In the case of the person who you mentioned at the start of the article: you’re support could translate to tens of thousands of dollars to him I’m sure. But if he led with something of significant value, like “Hey I’m part of this invite only mastermind group with million dollar company CEO’s – I’ve already paid for my seat but am not using it, would you like it? Also separate from that can we talk about X, Y, Z”
This is really interesting, Evan. I can’t say I completely agree, but I respect what you’re saying.
The key for me is that relationships aren’t transactions. And if you’re approaching something like this from a transactional perspective–which has it’s place (i.e., we send free games to reviewers so that they feature those games on their platforms)–you need to know if it’s the type of transaction the person is open to. I have a page on our website saying that I don’t promote by request (rather, I back and share stuff that I’m excited about); a person asking otherwise is asking for an exception, which is an even worse way to start a conversation with a stranger.
While the idea of an over-the-top gift is interesting, I think it creates a sense of unwarranted obligation on the recipient that isn’t fair to them.
In your case you’ve done a good job of publicly saying you have specific boundaries – so certain things being asked for are a non-starter.
I may have not described my case well. The intention is not to create a feeling of obligation. The intended feeling is, “Wow this is cool, who sent this?”
[…] 27 June 2022 | No Comments […]
As someone who has had success cold-emailing (including you Jamey!), the most important advice, imo:
Don’t cold email someone unless there’s some potential benefit for the person you’re emailing.
Needs to be a real benefit, not one you made up to justify cold-emailing to yourself. That means taking the time to try to understand the person and their needs.
This will eliminate like 95% of the potential cold emails you could send.
But one benefit you can always offer: offer to pay them for their time. Time is our most precious resource, the one resource we can never get back. Really important to respect that.
That’s perfectly said, and much more succinct than my post. Thank you, Nick!